Until He Comes Back
by wild-angel82
Summary: JJ and Emily have a little talk in the hospital the night Henry is born. Definitely femslashy.


Title: Until He Comes Back

Pairing: Emily/JJ

Summary: JJ and Emily have a little talk in the hospital the night Henry is born. Definitely femslashy.

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Criminal Minds or its characters. I wish I did, though.

A/N: OK, so before I start another longer story, I just had to get this out of my system. The angst in me has spoken again, hehe :D I hope you enjoy!

**Until He Comes Back**

The door is slightly ajar and you can see her look with absolute amazement at the tiny person in her arms. If you ever thought that her eyes could shine, it was nothing compared to the way those eyes look right now, as her fingers play with little hands of her son. It almost takes your breath away to see that much love for such a tiny person. You've always known she was going to love her baby more than anything, but to actually see her look at him the way she's looking at him now just totally blows your mind. It doesn't really surprise you one bit, but your eyes almost fill with tears as you see the tears of happiness in her own eyes. She's exhausted and her eyes are half-shut, but you still couldn't imagine a more beautiful sight.

You lean against the door frame and for a moment you wonder why you keep doing this to yourself. The little guy in her arms is a reminder of something you can never have, yet you keep longing for it every time you see her. It's almost as if you liked torturing yourself, as if you liked being around her just to feel something, even if that something was ground disappearing from underneath you. And you don't have to be there, you don't have to stand there looking at her with a baby in her arms, you can just go home and erase that imagine from your head by whatever means that will come in handy. Yet you stand there, longing for her, wishing that things were different, while at the same time feeling that maybe you don't want them to be different. Because when you see her look at that little bundle in her arms, you can see how happy she is and you would never ever take that happiness away from her.

So you steal one last glance and you decide that it's finally time to go. There's nothing left for you to do. She's happy and as much as it pains you to know that it's not with you, you could never want anything more for her.

"Emily?" You hear her ask and you freeze for a moment.

_Shit_, she was not supposed to know that you are here. You were supposed to go home, because you don't know if you can handle talking to her right now. But you figure you don't really have much of a choice. Pretending you didn't hear her was not really an option, so you turn around and enter her room.

"I thought everybody left?" She asks, her voice still weak from exhaustion.

"I thought Will was here?" You lie and she doesn't answer. You don't either, because maybe it doesn't really matter who left or who was supposed to be there.

"He's beautiful." You tell her as you take a step closer. You're standing right next to her bed now and you two are almost touching.

"Yes he is." She agrees and you can hear the pride in her voice and see the sparkle in her eye. The little boy in her arms is now sleeping and you can't believe how much he reminds you of her.

"He looks like you." You smile as you shift your eyes from the little boy to her and then to the boy again. There's no denying that he's going to be the mini version of her. The eyes, the nose, the jaw line, everything. Yes, he is beautiful indeed.

"He has Will's ears." She tells you with a laugh and you are suddenly reminded that the little boy is a part of _him_ as well. You try not to think about it, you try to forget that _he_ gave her something that makes her so happy. You try to forget the fact that no matter what happens, _he_ is going to be a part of her life forever. They will forever be connected and as much as you hate it, there is nothing that you can do about it.

"I don't really see it." You tell her, but you don't really know why. Maybe it's your way of denying_ his_ involvement in the creation of the miracle that JJ is holding in her arms.

"You know, I had no idea you could love someone this much." She sighs as you see her smile widely through tears. They are tears of happiness, though, so you don't worry. "But when they put him in my arms for the first time, I swear I could…" She doesn't finish, but she doesn't really have to.

"Yeah." You sit on the bed beside her, still shifting your sight between her and her little son. And you can see the love and devotion in her eyes, the sparkle that tells you that there is no one in the world she is ever going to love more than this little guy.

"It's so scary, you know?" She whispers. "That there is this tiny person who is so completely dependent on you for everything. And you can't mess up, you can't do anything wrong…" She starts and you suddenly see hints of fear in her eyes.

"Hey!" You quickly cover her hand with yours. "Don't think like that. You're not going to mess up. You're going to be a wonderful mother." You assure her and you wholeheartedly believe that. You can't imagine anyone better fitted to be a parent than Jennifer Jareau. She is caring and compassionate, she knows how to reach people, she is brave as hell… Any kid would be blessed to have her as a mother and you know that this little boy in front of you is in such good hands. You know she is going to do everything in her power to protect him from the world and to give him a good life.

"I hope so, Em." She sighs and you can see how uneasy she feels. "But I'll tell you, I'm scared as hell, I really am." She admits and somehow you know you are the first person she has shared this information with. And you can't help but feel a little excited, because now there is this little secret that you two share, even if just for a moment.

"Don't be." You tell her as you kiss her forehead in a comforting gesture. "I have every confidence in your abilities as a mother. You're gonna do great and he's going to be just fine. This much I know."

"Thank you." She replies and you can see that she's still not convinced. And you don't know what's got her so worried, but you know that there is just no way she can fail as a mother. You know she would let herself fail in any other aspect of her life before she would fail her son. "I think I needed to hear that." She smiles weakly and you're happy you were able to give her something that she needed. You would give her the world if she asked for it. Except that she doesn't.

"You're tired, you should get some rest. Sleep preferably." You finally say as you notice the shade of her eyes, which clearly indicates that she is in need of a much deserved sleep. You figure you've taken up enough of her time anyway.

"I don't think I will be able to sleep." She sighs, her eyes still fixed on the little boy in her arms. "Too much excitement."

"Well you did amazing today." You tell her as you look into her eyes with so much affection that you can't believe how she can not see how much you love her. You realize it has to be written all over your face, because there is no way you can look at her and not reveal your feelings. Or maybe you can. Maybe you have learned how to do it, because there was no other way to be around her.

"I feel like shit." She says with a smile and you can see her trying to move around in the bed to stretch her muscles. "I'm all sore and I am now just starting to feel the pain."

"JJ, you just gave birth. I think it's only natural to feel pain." You explain to her, laughing inside, because you're sure she knows all that very well.

"Do I look as bad as I feel?" She suddenly asks and this time you can't help but laugh.

"You look beautiful." You tell her as you look at her with amazement. Only she could have pulled this off. Five hours of labor and she still looks stunning. She takes your breath away.

"I know I don't." She chuckles. "But thank you for saying that."

You wanna say something else, but you suddenly feel that no matter what you tell her, it will never be enough. It will never even begin to express the strength of your feelings for her. So you just whisper, "I love you." And you know the way she's going to take it and doesn't really matter, because you just need to say it. Even if she doesn't know what you really mean, you just have to say it.

"I know, I love you too, Em." She replies and you know she loves Garcia or Reid the same way. But it still feels good to hear her say those words. And even if it's the only time you will ever hear her say them, it gives you some sort of comfort.

"Will you stay until Will comes back?" She asks after a moment. "He was making a phone call and he should be back any moment."

Seeing Will is the last thing you want or need, but you look into her eyes and you know that you can't deny her anything, not even that.

"Of course." You smile as you find a more comfortable position on the bed, because your legs are starting to feel a little sore. She rests her head on your shoulder and for a moment you think that this is the way it's supposed to be. You, her and the little person in her arms. But you know it's not real. Because _he_ is going to come back and _he _is going to be the one to hold her all night long. _He_ is going to be the one to take her home and watch her discover the joys of motherhood every day. And you hate him for that. You hate him with passion. But you hate yourself even more for wishing he didn't exist. Because if there was no Will, there would be no Henry. And no matter how much it hurts you to see her start a family with someone else, you could never wish that that little boy that brings her so much joy didn't exist. You just couldn't. So you kiss the top of her head and for a little while you can pretend. Because until _he_ comes back and takes it all away, you can pretend that she's yours. You can hold her in your arms for as long as possible and try to forget that it's not your arms she's going to be spending her life in.


End file.
